For Elio

[latermaybe]

As summer drew to a close, the new semester gearing up and the anniversary of my third year in Darrow approaching, I couldn't help but think back on my conversation with Sihyun at Pride. My reaction to the news of his engagement has nagged at the back of my mind since the Spring. Even more so, I was rattled by my later admission that the planning of a wedding, and the stress and attention it would bring, was something I instinctively shrank from.

It made me quiet and contemplative, and while I could hide such things in the first weeks of the semester, I knew now that Elio would've noticed.

So, tonight, I made tea. I bought a box of pastries we both liked. Our dinner was small, intimate, as it usually was. Comfortable. Content. I was happy, and making a change felt unwise, but I knew we were both waiting for the other to do something. Say something.

And it needed to be me.

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[speakordie]

“I guess I’m lucky that you’re into awkwardly skinny men,” I reply with a wry smile, tipping my head down to watch his big hand slide up my leg. Once it gets near my hip, I put my hand on top of his and rest it there as his hand moves back down my leg.

“Do you want me to wear a little skirt for you?” My tone is a little playful, like maybe it’s a joke but maybe it isn’t. I’d wear a skirt for him, no problem. Maybe a few years ago, I wouldn’t have entertained the idea, but now? Easy work. “Maybe something plaid and pleated, hm? With knee high socks?”

[latermaybe]

"I don't know. I think you've filled out," I murmured, serious for half a beat before grinning up at him and adding, "A little."

He wasn't quite the gawky teenage boy I'd met in Italy, but he would likely always be wiry.

Laughing, I said, "You'll be surprised to hear, that's never really done it for me."

[speakordie]

“A little,” I allow, smiling warmly down at Oliver. Sometimes I look at myself and hate everything I see, as I assume all people who aren’t lying to themselves do from time to time, but I’m never left it linger in it. Oliver is always there to draw me out of it because he looks at me like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen, and it makes me look at myself through a kinder lens. It can’t be bad, not if Oliver can look at me like that.

“You don’t say?” I bark out a laugh and reach up to slap my hand over my mouth, but it doesn’t really help. I break out into the giggles anyway and have to suck in a breath to compose myself. “I honestly can’t believe that I always thought you were off fucking all the women in B. My gaydar as a teen was straight up trash.”

[latermaybe]

"Your gaydar," I repeated, laughing delightedly, "Trust me, I had a long time to perfect my cover as a ladies man."

Giving his side a playful pinch, I said, "We certainly got our wires crossed those first few weeks."

[speakordie]

The pinch makes me squirm and I grab his hand in both of mine, bringing it up to my face to press kisses to his knuckles. The light catches on my ring and I thumb at his bare ring finger, curls spilling into my face as I tip my head.

“I’m going to get a ring for you, too,” I assure him, nodding to myself and keeping his hand held in one of mine as I lift the other to push the hair out of my face. “You deserve something sparkly, too. And I want everyone to see it.”

Smiling, I rest his hand against my chest, just over my heart. Our last pairs of wedding bands are tucked away in a drawer, one dedicated to trinkets from our past that he doesn’t remember. Some things are still out and on display, but the super personal, sentimental things are tucked away because they’re still special to me, and I know that Oliver understands that.

“And we’ll go pick out bands together,” I tell him, leaning down to kiss him.

[latermaybe]

"Good," I murmured, my thumb brushing against his bottom lip, my other hand reaching up to tuck an errant curl behind his ear.

"I want that, too." Once, I would've been terrified by the idea of doing anything so public, but now, I craved it. On campus, staff who'd known me before, those who'd known us as a couple, still slipped and called Elio my husband, and while it grated at first, now I longed for it to be true.

Smiling softly, I agreed, "A matched set," meaning both the rings, and ourselves.

[speakordie]

Oliver touches my face and I let out a sound like a purr, leaning into it as I shift off of him to lay at his side, draping a leg and an arm over him as I prop my head up on my other hand. I stare at his face with an utterly content expression.

“Does that mean we can take pictures and I can put a sappy announcement on my social media?” I ask with a smirk, tickling lightly at his side.

“A matching set,” I agree, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. “A bonded pair.”

[latermaybe]

"I thought we were keeping it small," I reminded him, laughing. If he wanted a sappy announcement on social media, we both knew I wasn't going to deny him.

"We'll be insufferable, I promise," I said, pulling him down against me, kissing his cheek playfully, practically snuffling behind his ear.

[speakordie]

"An announcement isn't an invitation, pesca," I tell him with a laugh of my own. "We can have a small ceremony but everyone is gonna fucking know about it."

He tugs me in close and I grunt as our bodies connect, planting my palms into the bed. His lips tickle my jaw and I giggle, twisting my head away so that my hair fans out over his face. "Are you getting a good whiff?"

[latermaybe]

"Fair enough," I agreed, grinning against his neck, my arms sliding around him. He giggled, squirming away from my, his hair tickling my nose. I ducked my head to bite at his shoulder, holding him tight.

"I don't know. I think I could probably do better," I teased him, rolling him over onto his back, my lips against the hollow of his throat.

[speakordie]

If the bite to my shoulder didn’t send a spark of arousal through me, the way that Oliver so smoothly flips our positions certainly does. My giggle turns into a breathy sigh and I put my hands on his head, fingers carding through his soft hair.

“I don’t remember what we were talking about,” I tell him, laughing softly and tipping my head back as his lips find the sensitive spot on my neck. My mouth falls open at the same time as my thighs, making room for his hips between them. “But keep doing that.”

[latermaybe]

Laughing, I said, "Invitations? I don't know." Smiling as his knees parted to make room for me, I settled against him, making my way leisurely down the slope of his long neck.

"Announcements. Very. Important. Planning," I said, punctuating each word with another lazy kiss, my lips working their way down his neck and then along the sharp rise of his collar bone.

[speakordie]

“Mm, bragging,” I reply as my arms curl around his shoulders, holding on but not tightly enough to keep him from his downward trajectory. My lips are swollen from his thorough kisses and I pull the bottom one between my teeth as he kisses down my neck, stubble brushing across my sensitive skin.

“Ooh, I get to have a new suit made,” I add happily, sliding my hands along his smooth skin, up the back of his neck and into his hair. “And then you’ll get to take it off of me.”

His mouth travels across the hollow of my throat and along the bone just underneathc and I lift one foot to slide my toes over his ankle and the muscle in his calf. “We’ll bring some cake home and you can lick frosting off of me.”

[latermaybe]

Whether he meant for the party later, or if he was already dreaming of a larger ceremony than the two of us at City Hall, I had a feeling I was going to give in to whatever he wanted. He was so happy, giddy and warm in my arms, I couldn't conceive of denying him.

"You do enjoy making a mess with food," I agreed with a low chuckle, my mouth traveling along the dip of his breastbone.

[speakordie]

“Why not combine two of my favorite things?” I reply with a laugh, shifting up onto one elbow so I can look down at his face. “Too bad we don’t have any peaches.”

There’s a grin in my voice, along with an obvious fondness. Nothing in the world, not music or food or wine, makes me anywhere near as happy as simply being in Oliver’s vicinity does.

“You have a very lovely mouth,” I murmur softly, tilting my head and gently drawing his hair back from his face, thumb tracing span of his forehead. “And somehow I live in a world where you use it on me every day.”

[latermaybe]

With laughter of my own, I arched a brow, smirking faintly as I asked, "Is that a hint?"

I nipped at the heel of his hand, grinning. "It's not a very subtle one."

No, peaches weren't in season, but we'd always made do with just each other.

[speakordie]

"I meant it in more of a general sense," I reply, chuckling and tracing my thumb along his bottom lip, pressing it gently to the sharp line of his bottom teeth. "But if you want to take it as one, I won't stop you."

The fact that Oliver wants to suck me off, despite him doing so regularly, still feels like such a surprising thing. That overwhelmed teen from our first time together still lives somewhere inside of me and goes all fluttery and shocked each time it happens. Taking Oliver for granted, any part of him, is not something that I could ever have it in me to do.

"You could fuck me again after," I say in a low voice, giving him a coy smile as I rock my hips up against his chest. "Does that sound nice?"

[latermaybe]

Crawling lower, I chuckled softly, kissing his belly, and the sharp edge of his hipbone. Taking him in hand, I stroked him slowly, eyes on his face, my gaze flickering briefly to the bedside table. My eyes widened a bit, and I let out a huff of laughter.

"I think we're still recording," I reminded him, just before ducking to swallow him down.

[speakordie]

Oliver moves further down the bed and my cock gets harder in Pavlovian response. My breath catches with anticipation and I shift up onto both elbows to get a better look, mouth going slack as his fingers wrap around me. The look on his face catches me by surprise and I turn to follow his gaze, feeling my own eyes widen at the sight of my phone still propped up on the nightstand. I had completely forgotten, but before I can really register an opinion about it, Oliver's mouth is on my cock and there is nothing in the world that could distract me from that.

"Oh, fuck," I groan out, dropping back down onto the bed. My head hits the pillow and I put one arm up over it, reaching down with the other to push Oliver's hair back from his face so it can be more clearly seen by the camera. "I'll move it to a protected folder on my computer tomorrow."

My words come out gaspy and a little garbled, and I hiss through my teeth as he slurps around my cock. Fuck, he's incredible at this. "Maybe edit a special video together for you as a Hannukah gift."

[latermaybe]

Pulling back with a gasp, I continued to stroke him, and before I could think better of it, I found myself saying, "If you're going to do that, then I want some footage of you fucking me."

Without waiting for a response, I swallowed him back down, cheeks hollowed and head bobbing, though it was more a performance for him than for the camera. I pressed further until the head of his cock stretched the back of my throat, gagging softly, holding there until I had to pull off to breathe.

[speakordie]

"Oh my fucking God," I groan out, laughing breathlessly as he takes my cock into his mouth like a fucking porn star. His eyes close and I reach for the phone, dragging in a shuddering breath as I position the camera so that he's perfectly in frame, his face and my cock, which I only catch a glimpse of before he's sinking down, down, down until I'm all the way in his throat.

"That's it, baby," I say indulgently, both for him and the camera, and we both take a deep breath as he pulls off of me. There's a line of saliva stretching from the head of my cock to his bottom lip, and I glance down at the phone screen just in time to see it break.

"Do you want me to come in your mouth or your ass?" I ask in Italian, holding the phone in one hand as I reach out to cup his chin with the other. "You can have whatever you want, love of my life."

[latermaybe]

Groaning around him, I doubled my efforts, swallowing around him, only to pull off with another gasp. I climbed ungainly up his body, deciding, "You're fucking me," while I fumbled in the sheets for the discarded lube.

"Tell me how you want me," I asked. I might've been bigger than him, stronger, but sometimes, all I wanted was for him to move me how he wanted, to use me how he wanted. And if we were going to be crazy enough to film this, I wanted to take full advantage.

[speakordie]

"That's what I hoped you'd say," I reply with a grin, taking the lube from him and then pushing hard at his side so he falls over and I can slip off of the bed. "I want you on your hands and knees, pesca."

I wink at him to let him know that I caught that needy look in his eyes, the same one so often seen in mine. I know what he wants, and I have no problem giving it to him.

I end the current video and start a new one, then position the phone on the nightstand again, checking the screen to make sure that the bed is fully in frame. My throat goes dry at the sight of Oliver there, all big and lean and strong, and all mine. My cock is still rock hard and jutting out from my body, shining wet with Oliver's spit, and I take a deep breath so it's not over too soon.

"Look over at the camera, darling," I tell him, smiling widely over at him as he does. "You want to get fucked by your fiancé? I really do think you've earned it after giving me this lovely ring."

[latermaybe]

Amazed that he could still so thoroughly surprise me, I laughed softly, arranging myself on hands and knees and turning to look directly at the camera, as instructed. "Is that all I've earned?"

It was fun to play a little coy, but while it was directed towards the camera, it was all for him.

"What are these videos for?" I asked, "When I'm lonely on my next university conference across town?"

[speakordie]

The question makes me pause on my way back toward the bed, thinking of the videos and photos in a protected folder on my computer. It took me months to be able to look at them without crying after Oliver disappeared and ever since he’s come back, I’ve taken more than ever, assuming that he’ll chalk it up to me being more tech savvy.

I recover quickly, blinking a few times as I head over to the bed, reaching out to slide my hand along his back. That’s not what I want these videos to be for, and I have to live for the hope that I’ll never have to miss him like that again.

“We can watch them when we’re old and wrinkly,” I tell him with a chuckle, reaching between his thighs so I can grab the inside of his leg and tug them apart, twisting him so his ass is a little angled toward the camera. “And I suppose you’ve earned an extra treat.”

That said, I put my hands on his ass and spread his cheeks apart, leaning down to lick deliberately at the tight clench of his hole.