For Elio

[latermaybe]

With the end of the year closing in, I found myself anxious to close out the semester. I was distracted. I knew my colleagues could sense it, my students restless in classes that had lost focus. My writing had suffered, but it had never been something I was particularly proud of anyway. My heart wasn't in it. I wanted to be home.

I was afraid to go home.

I was compelled to be with Elio whenever possible, but his grief was consuming. I'd watched it whittle away at him, the cracks that Purge Night had left in him shattering the day that Jamie left, leaving behind the raw nerves beneath. Old wounds opened by the loss of his parents. The loss of me, over and over. I wanted to help him, but neither of us knew how I was meant to do that.

I stayed out for a few hours with some friends from the university, playing poker in the basement of their campus housing. I'd left early, guiltily, even though I'd told Elio where I'd be. I brought home a bottle of expensive wine and felt foolish. I loved him so much, and had never been so helpless.

Key in the door, I blew out a breath, braced myself, and stepped inside.

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[latermaybe]

Moaning softly, I spread my knees for him, letting him settle between them. His hands slipped beneath the hem of my sweater and I shifted up, fumbling to tug the fabric over my head in the cramped space between sofa and coffee table.

My eyes followed him as he leaned over me to dig in the end table, and I craned my neck to press my lips to the center of his chest, hands framing his hips before he settled back down.

Heat flooding my face, I laughed hoarsely, saying, "Okay, okay," as I lifted my hips, even though I didn't really want him to stop.

[speakordie]

“Oh no, you’ve got me started,” I say with a warm laugh, tugging his pants and underwear down over the curve of his perfect ass. His cock springs free and I duck my head to press my lips to it, unable to help myself. I pull it into my mouth, holding him there for a moment before letting slip away as I work the material down over his legs. Finally, he’s naked for me, spread out on our nice new rug, and I pick his foot up and hold it in both hands while pressing a kiss to the top of it.

“You’re so beautiful. Every part of you. Even your toes,” I tell him, smirking and then taking his big toe between my teeth, biting playfully and then tugging his legs open so I can fit myself between them. My hands fall to his thighs, big and strong and covered in golden hair, and I slide my palms up slowly to his hips while watching his face. “You have the prettiest cock. So hard and wet just for me.”

[latermaybe]

My breath punching out of my lungs, I buried a hand in his hair, hips lifting to help him strip me of the last of my clothes.

Chuckling, foot squirming at the ticklish flutter of his breath, I nudged at his shoulder with my heel before letting my legs fall open, breath caught at the faintly predatory gleam in his eyes.

"Only for you," I murmured, rolling up onto my elbows to watch him.

[speakordie]

“Damn right, only for me,” I tell him, playfully stern as I grab his thighs and tug him forward until his ass is tipped up against my knees. I stay fully clothed, at least for now, and smirk down at him as I click open the lube and hold it aloft, drizzling it directly onto his hole.

“This too,” I murmur, watching his face as I touch two fingertips to that tight clench of muscle, rubbing slow circles against it. “It makes me so happy to know that it’s only been me.”

I keep my voice low, aimed to arouse him, and curl my hand around his cock at the same moment I press my middle finger inside him. “Everyone gets to look at you but I’m the only one who gets to see you like this.”

[latermaybe]

"They're looking at you, not me," I murmured, a low groan wedged in the back of my throat as he stretched me open, his skilled hands warm and purposeful. I loved our moments of fumbling, when we couldn't wait to get our hands on each other, when he was boyish and stumbling and gleefully aroused, but these moments of confidence were enough to leave me in awe of him.

"Elio," I murmured, arching against him. Naked and exposed, it was somehow sexier to have him dressed and outwardly composed. In control. I wanted more of it, and luckily, he'd caught on quickly.

[speakordie]

"Oh, you hush," I tell him, drawing out the last syllable into a soothing sound as I sink a second finger into Oliver's body. "You turn heads in every room you enter, pesca. You're just too busy looking at me to notice."

He arches up so beautifully, long legs falling open wantonly, and I feel a sense of calm that's been absent from me for weeks. There's a clarity that comes with focusing so fully on Oliver. Nothing else matters, and so I'll think of nothing but him.

"Put your hands up over your head," I tell him in a low voice, relaxed but expectant. My fist tightens around his cock, slowly dragging up as I ease my fingers out of him, and then sliding down as they sink back in, over and over again.

"When I sneak into your lectures, the whole room practically reeks of lust," I continue in a low voice, hands working between his legs as I stare down at him. "You're smart and you're funny and you're gorgeous and they can all see it."

I smile, breathing out slowly and press my fingers in at a new angle, seeking out his prostate. "But you're all mine."

[latermaybe]

"By this point in the semester, they've figured out I'm a mediocre teacher and the luster has worn off," I managed to counter, falling back onto the floor with arms above my head. Soon, I was in no position to argue, his hand working me open with expert perfection and his dark gaze on my face.

"I'm yours," I agreed breathlessly, mouth open and my hips rocking shamelessly, seeking out more friction. More of him. More everything.

[speakordie]

Oliver says things like this all the time, and I don't always intervene. He's a humble man with a dry wit, but tonight the self-deprecation doesn't sit right with me. It angers me, suddenly, that he doesn't see just how spectacular he is.

"Hey," I say firmly, letting go of his cock to lean over him and grab his chin, thumb and fingertips pressing into the hollows of his cheeks as I force him to look up at me. "Enough of that for tonight, pesca. I won't have it."

My thumb slides into his mouth, over the sharp ridge of his bottom teeth and across his tongue, and I pinch his lower lip gently between my thumb and forefinger before cradling the side of his face, fingertips carding through his hair.

"You're amazing," I say as I stare down at him, my own hair spilling into my face as I twist my fingers inside him, pressing just shy of where he needs me to most. "And I want to hear you say it."

[latermaybe]

Blinking away my surprise, my mouth dropped open as he suddenly loomed over me, grasping my chin and reprimanding me. It was hotter, of course, than I might've wanted to admit to, but with him pressed so close, it was impossible for me to hide it.

"Elio," I said hoarsely, bearing down against the press of his fingers. A smile curved my lips as I tried to push back against the hand holding my face and stretch up to kiss him. "Don't torture me."

[speakordie]

“Yes, you look like you’re suffering,” I reply dryly, because it isn’t hard to decipher the look on his face. He’s into this, really into it, and so am I. It’s a relief, knowing I am still the same as I’ve always been in some ways. I can still look at him and feel nothing but an intense, burning lust no matter what else may be going on.

He presses against my hand and I smile at him, leaning down to almost bring our lips together. Almos, but not quite, because I push his head back down and sit up a little, staring down at his face.

“I want to hear you say it,” I tell him again, letting my fingertips brush over his prostate before pulling them out entirely to cup his balls instead, kneading them oh so gently in my palm, just how I know he likes, but I know it won’t quite make up for the sudden emptiness, or lack of my hand around his cock. “You aren’t going to get to come until you do, pesca. Those are my rules.”

[latermaybe]

He pulled his fingers out, and I whined mournfully, squirming against the gentle friction of his palm that was both perfect and not nearly enough.

"Ah, God. What? Say what?" I said, laughing helplessly, having forgotten what it was I was even supposed to say. Or maybe I wanted to draw things out, just a little bit more. Playing with him had always been what I really craved. I'd learned from him that great sex was nothing if it wasn't fun.

[speakordie]

“Are you being obtuse on purpose, Mr. Perlman?” I ask in a playfully stern voice, lifting my chin as if there were a pair of spectacles balancing on the bridge of my nose. “I know you’re smarter than that.”

My hand stays between his legs, playing leisurely with his balls and dipping my fingers into him, while my other hand travels across his chest, plucking at the tight pink buds of his nipples. He’s mesmerizing like this, boyish and explicit all at once, and the smile on my face is genuine and warm.

“I want you to say something nice about yourself,” I tell him a little more firmly, pulling my hands away entirely and sitting up, rocking back to sit on his thighs and place my hands on my knees. I lift my brows expectantly, but my relaxed posture makes it clear that I can wait all night if need be. “I’ll reward you. One finger back inside you for each nice thing you say, pesca. Quite generous, don’t you think?”

[latermaybe]

"No, no. I thought you wanted me to say that I'm amazing," I said breathlessly, mouth open in a look of shocked betrayal when his hands pull away. "When did we get so specific?"

And I realized, with something akin to horror, that the thought of coming up with something nice about myself– even one thing, let alone more, was more of a struggle than I wanted to admit. I could blame it on the arousal, the distraction of his body, but the block was unfortunately a mental one.

[speakordie]

It started as a game, but I watch Oliver’s face change. There’s a flash of panic in his eyes that I only see because it’s me, and I can read him so well. It breaks my heart a little bit.

“Okay, okay,” I say as if he’s made a good point, leaning over him and planting my elbow into the rug just above his shoulder, palm against his forehead as my other hand rubs at his inner thigh, squeezing reassuringly at the muscle there. “One nice thing.”

I nudge our noses together, smiling down at him with open adoration. “Tell me one and I’ll make you come so hard you see stars, pesca. I promise.”

[latermaybe]

"Okay, okay," I said, laughing breathlessly, "I'm... a decent cook." Then, I added, "I'm a quick study." A lot of things I tried, I was good enough at to fake proficiency. That, I knew, was a talent.

But most importantly, "You think I'm amazing, and that has to mean something."

[speakordie]

As Oliver indulges me, pink cheeked and laughing, I stare down at him with a besotted grin on my face. I love him so, so much.

And then he goes and says something so romantic, and I’m reminded all over again just how lucky it is that he loves me too.

“That’s a pretty good answer,” I murmur fondly. As promised, I slide three fingers back inside him, pressing in deep and seeking out his prostate, massaging firmly as I press kisses to his cheek and chin. “Good job, Oliver.”

[latermaybe]

"Ah, God," I cried out, bearing down on the pressure of his fingertips. I laughed roughly, my body rocking mindlessly against against him, hands grasping at his shoulders.

Through gritted teeth, I said, "I want you in me when I come." I met his eyes, pleading, "Elio, please."

[speakordie]

"Who says you're only going to come once?" I say in a low purr, sounding just a little smug as he grabs at me. Still, he seems close enough that I ease up just a bit, fingering him without such direct pressure on his prostate. For now.

"I want to make you come like this," I tell him with a soft, playful pout, kissing the tip of his nose as his cock leaks against the inside of my forearm. "And then I'll fuck you until you come again. However long it takes."

My fingers find that spot again, pressing in as my other hand sweeps the hair back from his sweaty forehead. "You'll let me have that, won't you?"

Dirty pool, maybe. But I know how to get what I want.

[latermaybe]

"Fuck, Elio," I said in a rush of breath, so turned on that I could hardly think. I nodded, humming my agreement, throat clicking as I swallowed thickly. "Whatever. Oh, God, yeah. Whatever you want."

Chuckling again, I was able to pry my death grip from his shoulder and lift a hand to his face.

"However long it takes? You sound pretty... pretty confident."

[speakordie]

“Who says I’m only going to come once?” I say in a teasing voice, fully entranced by how this beautiful man reacts to my touch. I’ve been so busy mourning all that I’ve lost that I haven’t taken the time to truly appreciate all that I have.

“And we also have toys,” I add as if it’s an afterthought, thumbing at his brow as I massage his prostate firmly, leaving his cock untouched. I want it just like this.

“Come on, come for me,” I murmur as I press a little more firmly, fingers moving a little more quickly. “You can do it, pesca.”

[latermaybe]

"Oh fuck," I said, keeping my eyes on his for as long as I could, but the press of his fingers and his low, commanding voice was all too much. Going tense, I threw my head back, mouth dropping open on a silent cry. Then, like a string finally snapping, I came with a strangled groan, a tangle of sounds that almost made up his name.

It seemed to go on and on, thighs trembling, making a mess between us, until I gripped his wrist and panted, "Fuck. Fuck, okay. Okay."

[speakordie]

Honestly, I could almost come just from watching him. My cock twitches eagerly in my sweats and I groan low in my throat, murmuring praise as he comes so forcefully.

“Good job, you’re perfect,” I tell him, easing up on the pressure as I work him through it, only stopping when he grabs at my hand. “Okay, it’s okay.”

My fingers slide out of him and I curl my hand around the inside of his thigh, sliding up and down soothingly as I kiss the corner of his mouth, bottom teeth resting against his chin as I take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of him. I feel at peace, at ease for the first time in so long, and I relax against him, hard cock pressed to his bare hip through the thin cotton of my pants. “You’re amazing.”